by Renee Lindstrom, Author of the Somatic Archetype *Written by a real person

Podcast @ReneeLindstromofficial, Written by a real person

I have been hard-lined about people staying in their own lane when listening to others sharing their experiences.. This has included scrutiny of professionals who carry their authority from their profession into other skill sets where they are not certified. Let me tell you why. I work with triggers from a perspective of listening. This listening focus is on the facts that triggered or stimulated the reactions in all the parties of the event. However, in the moment when listening to one person, they would have full attention, yet in the action of listening, space is held for the perspectives of those included in the event being discussed. This ensures there is balance between all sides for equality and mutuality.

In the replay of events as a teacher or coach, the focus I have is on the skill level developed in the listener, not the speaker. Listeners pivot the speaker’s reactive experience stimulated in current events and can defuse them or stimulate them further by increasing it into heightened states of conflict, chaos and confusion. Essentially, aggravating it into harmful situations that become violent and harmful to the speaker and others in the event unnecessarily.

As a professional listener and somatic empath, I experience people seeking counsel with others as an attempt to receive empathy. What they are receiving is sympathy disguised as empathy by listeners who interpret what they are hearing through their own opinions, beliefs and memories. I have not come across any listener who has not had specific training and who has practiced listening skills to be able to hold some in a productive space of listening so they can get to the core of their trigger and resolve it within themselves. Rather, what I have experienced is the listener becoming triggered themselves and adding fuel to the experience they didn’t personally have. Once hearing someone’s experience, they take ownership of it as though a real experience of theirs. This is harmful for both the speaker’s self-worth and that of those being discussed. The speaker is discussing in an attempt to seek inner resolution for the emotional reaction within themselves, and what they are getting is the listeners emotional reaction. The listener’s position can defuse the speaker’s reaction and turn it into a response where the speaker finds their own solutions without being swayed by the listener and their needs.

Listeners skill development to put their reactions on hold & take away clarity for the speaker to resolve their own issues

A professional listener needs to be skilled in setting their reactions aside to give their full attention to the speaker’s reactions. Speakers will be unable to turn their explosive word vomit into fair, balanced and logical responses. They are in the heat of a reaction and turning to you to defuse it, not give their power away to you. This is extremely important as you have the power to escalate it into violence and abuse towards others in your network and community.

Listeners skill development separates out the past from the present circumstances

The listeners’ skill development begins with separating the present from the past experiences. The speaker’s past has been the formation of their social conditioned experience in any moment. This means that when the trauma from past experiences has not been resolved, it is usually carried forward into the next experience. Imagine your nervous system and spontaneous emotional nature packing suitcases into each new experience. How big is the suitcase that is lugged from one experience to another? How full is it? Is it stuffed to the point of breaking, 3/4’s full, or almost empty? Now ask yourself if, you were to wear one experience like an outfit, would you put on everything in the suitcase? If you were to choose one to wear, how would it compare to wearing everything in the suitcase? How would it feel physically and emotionally? How would it visually appear to you to wear one or all of it?  

Listeners most important personal reflection during listening

The most important question a listener can ask themselves while listening to others is, “Do I increase the emotional reaction to the trigger by adding fuel, or do I defuse it?”

Example of Professional confusion in career boundaries

Personally, this author hasn’t witnessed anyone actively listening, defuse reactions. I do witness people fueling emotional reactions. In one situation, it was a Family Doctor of Medicine giving opinions and strategies for someone to support their mental health and well-being. Keep in mind, he had no training in that area and was giving the same advice as lay people do.

Now, I will add that he was triggered by what he was hearing and responding through his own personal reaction. It was causing the person receiving the advice to take steps that increased the conflict and chaos inside them and outside in others surrounding them through the strategies they took as a result. It could have destroyed their life. This was no different than a friendship group or family giving someone advice that has no consequences for them, however huge ones for those receiving the advice. However, that title that carries authority added quite a few layers of mental, emotional and physical trauma. Yes, trauma. 

Another example of a Professional confusion in career boundaries

This example is a friend of someone who is a professional who wasn’t able to separate their personal reaction from something I shared with someone else, yet I believe gave counsel that was dominated by being a professional. The person had been used as leverage in a community group for an illusion of achievement and status. However, I witnessed a complete lack of professionalism in breakdown behaviours that still emanated status, power and control. This professional didn’t know I was a professional listener with an ability to put my reactions aside in the moment to observe and track what was happening in real time. They totally and completely exposed themselves through their emotional behaviour responses. Not only did they expose the crossover of their emotional reactions and perceived authority there was a moment of demasking that demonstrated the power over tactics they tried to exert over the person they could have been supporting in a healthier way to empower versus disempower them. Side note – As a somatic empathic teacher/mentor, this is what I naturally look for without even being aware that I am. I observe the control tactics people exert to have power over another’s sovereignty. It’s this author’s superpower.  

Listening skill levels can defuse trauma or create it

Did you know that when you give someone your opinion that supports your triggered state, you are actually inflicting trauma onto the mental, emotional and physical function?

Did you know that when you support someone who is blaming and shaming others to redirect them, you are also increasing trauma and being abusive and violent towards them?

Why? You are redirecting their free will based upon your opinion, perspective and beliefs. Those are developed for you, not to direct others.

Professional tracking of spoken words while listening

In these situations, people can’t track back what was just being said, which leaves room for confusion, doubt, etc. However, some listeners with developed skills can track spoken words, because they are trained to and they do not respond from personal reactions. If they feel stimulated and react personally, they have been trained with the skill set to put their personal reactions aside and not bring it into the interaction. Why? The training is based on not being attached to outcomes for someone else. Their focus is not on telling people what’s best for them. They aren’t interested in what it would look like in a group. Why? That is a dis-ease. It is the beginning of dying. It is a slow and difficult life where a person is barely living and dies without ever tapping into what it is like to truly live. It is not fair to make someone else live a life to prop someone else up mentally, emotionally, physically and financially, or so someone can be right or save face. The karma is too high for all concerned.

A reflection question for listeners

The next time you hear someone share something they want to do that would affect you, stop and reflect before you respond. Ask yourself, why do I want to have dominion over them and stand in between them and what they want as an authority? In my opinion, this makes someone a very small person indeed.

It’s taken a minute for this author and skilled listener to take in the actions of the Doctor above. From her viewpoint, he was destroying someone’s ability to settle and find their own confidence. Rather, it was an experience of constant stimulus heightening panic, urgency and anxiety.

Advice to speakers from a skilled listener

_{Remember you don’t need to take it – free will}

I can’t stress enough to stop listening to others. Stop seeking advice and coaching from friends, family, peers and professionals who do not have formalized training. By formalized, I am suggesting someone who is a professional listener who is trained in not taking what is being shared personally. Why do I suggest this? For a happier life, even through the hardest of decisions and changes you make. Those hard decisions and changes make you strong leaders. That’s the difference. One experience leads to strong leaders and autonomy that brings ease in life and success. The other? Well, you’re living it.

Authors statement to unskilled listeners

You can’t compare where there is no comparison.

Advise to unskilled listeners

Listening is the greatest gift on the planet. What is yours wrapped in? .The lack of skill sets in listeners is creating emotional clutter in those you are steering in the wrong direction and yours and my communities, locally and globally. These are the seeds of unspeakable violence that can grow into violence that is monstrous whether a person internalizes it or projects it out onto others.

Listening is the greatest gift on the planet. What is yours wrapped in? .

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Please follow Renee’s podcast on Youtube to listen to future episodes the go into dialogues from an authentic perspective of a somatic empath. Great dialogues for parents, child educators and essentially anyone who is in relationships, friendships, families, community groups and who works in a community environment. Also for those seeking lifestyle changes.

Learn more about Inside Awareness Center for Integrative Somatic Learning

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For transparency I have begun posting a link to my paypal for those inspired by my posts that have been for learning purposes. I am not sponsored other than by myself at this time. My focus has been on the development of an interconnected and integrated system that is apparent in all my efforts shared. The focus of this body of work is on somatic connections that is completely misunderstood by most. The mainstream focus talks at it with strategies in mind while my focus is on the practical aspects of living it. It matters in understanding how to support somatic empathic children from early childhood and shifting a social conditioning that could benefit from more from this focus of learning and understanding. This focus is on a well functioning body, improved relationships and communication, and connections to food, nature and environment to support healthier social and cultural conditioning. If you would like to buy me a coffee or support this effort for further development please go to paypal.me/reenelindstrom – you will notice Renee is spelled Reene on this link – that is me, it is not a mistake. You will see this link on my Youtube Channel and educational web materials, fyi.

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